The Naked Truth About Lockerooms. Day 5

I'm really settling into being silent. I know I keep saying that, but I'm actually believing it more and more every day. Sometimes, as my wizened CEO has been known to say, you need to believe it to see it. She's pretty much a prophet.

AAAAANYWAY. That's not what's important about today. What's important is the persistant and unabashed nudity displayed by the very confident ladies of the Troy Lifetime Fitness Center. Could someone who grew up in Troy tell me what they teach you in school to get you to this point? These free-range Troy chicks have got my panties in a major twist. Panties that are very much on my person at all times.

Needless to say, I was at the gym today, where I witnessed an unprecedented amount of nekedness. Droopies at the locker next to me, booty cheeks on the counter whilst hair was blowdryed, ladies airin' out on the bench where I wanted to--but never did--sit. It was mayhem.

At one point in the steamroom, I was positioned between a naked and chatty 50-something on my left [the chatty nude, by the way, is frequenter of Lifetime. I call this phenomenon "naked and makin' friends"] and a naked steamroom napper (the worst kind of steamroomer, if you ask me--laid out, taking up all the sitting space for hours. They usually leave their towels in wet piles on the steamroom floor) with her head nearly in my lap.

And, I mean, don't get me wrong--I'm not that conservative a person! As my best friend Elisa will tell you, our paths crossed for the first time in the UofM dorm laundry room, where I was ranting over someone taking my....um...undies....out of the wash and leaving them in a pile for all to see. So hey--I wear skimpy underoos sometimes, I'm hep.

But I can't stand nakeds in the lockeroom any more. I don't know how to take action against it though, so I'm basically hoping that they reach a critical mass and implode on themselves. At the rate they're multiplying, I've got to believe it could happen any day now.

But I have to cover one more topic here tonight. I'm over here reading about Scott Crowley's St. Pat's Day party bus, and it's killing me: It combines two of my fav things, Ireland and party bussing, something I've been dying to try. I want to know if everyone's seriously doing this; if so, I'm thinking about coming out of retirement for one night to live it up. It is seriously eating at me, trying to make up my mind. Anyway, if you are planning on going, just please send me a little something to tell me. And if you have really strong feelings about me coming out of silence to party.....screw yous. Just kidding, please let me know what you're thinking.


Now Listening:

How Can We Be Lovers? Michael Bolton (in honor of his on-ice tribute today....classy.)